How do I create new habits?
We all know how difficult it is when you are trying to create new habits, or you are trying to kick old ones. And you’ve probably wondered “how long does it take to create a new habit” to be met with an answer of 66 days. I think two things happen when you see this number. You either think “that’s impossible” or “that’s it, for the next 3 months I am just going to go to the gym and then, hey presto I’ll have it as a habit for the rest of my life”. The question then becomes, “what have I got to do to get to the 66-day mark?”
In this article, I am going to teach you the best way to start implementing habits into your life and why it's so bloody difficult to stick to them. Even when we know how good these new habits are for us.
I think first we need to find our reason why we are doing anything. Why are you implementing this habit into your life? Why is it important to you? Why, out of all the other things you want to change, have you chosen this one? - be the annoying child who constantly asks why to every answer you give. ‘The 5 why's is asking yourself Why 5 times. Try to dig deep to find the route of the reason why.
It needs to be concrete, you need to have a really good reason for wanting to change something about your life. Because that’s what will keep you motivated. You see you need two things for motivation. You need to be running towards something and running away from something. You need to be running towards this new healthier version of yourself and running away from the unhealthy version. I would say you almost want to be scared, truly scared of what might happen if you don’t change. What is the worst possible scenario that could happen, if you keep going the way you currently are? Jordan Petersons’ life script does this. It gets you to think about your future and what could happen if everything went wrong but also what could happen if everything went right.
When I’ve made changes in my life that have lasted, it is because I have picked a goal. I picked something or someone (a new version of myself I wish to become) and then I also looked at what I do not want to become, and who would I be if I didn’t make this change. Now that is motivating.
Once you have got a why, and motivation, you now need discipline. What I find interesting and is important to know, is what keeps people engaged for long enough is the right amount of challenge. Think about it. Have you ever played a game of monopoly when you are 3 rolls of the dice in and you are already down over 50% of your money, with no properties and you’ve just been sent to jail? You’ll become pretty disinterested, pretty quickly. What about when you are neck and neck with someone, they are losing and winning, the same amount of times you are. It's interesting because the challenge is the right amount. The far end of the spectrum is when you are just wiping the floor with people. This is when it becomes boring and you start offering handouts or trades to make the game fairer, not for the benefit of the other people playing, but to keep it interesting for yourself.
But what has this got to do with discipline? Well, you need to find the right challenge for where you are currently at. I think this is what keeps you motivated and not bored, yes you need the discipline to stick to the habit you are attempting to install within yourself, but if you have a strong enough why, and the right goal, discipline will be easy.
So you need to figure out - “what is the right amount of challenge?”
You do this by attempting something that seems easy enough. A change to your life that you currently aren’t doing, but not something that seems well out of reach. The moon may be the goal, but we have to build the rocket first.
If someone wants to start drinking more water when they currently drink none. A good goal would be “Swap your morning glass of Orange Juice with a glass of water” A bad goal would be “Drink 3 litres of water a day” - this is 0-100 real quick.
Look at your large goal, and try to break it down. To small chunks. Small goals that will help you get to your bigger goal. And pick the one that will be the most achievable. Think “what is the first step in me achieving this?”
You now know your Why, motivation and first step. Okay, so how do you now make these ideas into habits? My advice is to habit stack.
Habit stacking is as simple as picking something you do every single day and aligning your new habit alongside this. Meaning if I am trying to read more, I am going to pick something I currently do and I’ll say to myself “When I have my morning coffee, I am going to read for 15 minutes”. Any female who takes a contraceptive pill will know this. Normally they take it as they take their makeup off, or as they get into bed. This is habit stacking. (I didn’t realise until I had a conversation with a friend that this is from a book called Atomic Habits).
I get asked, “how does this work for nutrition goals?” Or “this is great but it doesn’t get me to the gym. I just can’t be bothered.” And I really do get that. Some things, you just don’t want to do. And that is the important thing to read again. You just don’t want to do it. And that’s okay.
Some things we think we want to do because society, friends or family tells us we should “like” that or “enjoy it” or “change”. I think that if you are struggling to stick to a habit you need to ask yourself the following questions.
Is this important to me?
Why do I want to do it?
Is this the right time for me?
Are other things in my life more important?
After answering those questions, if you still can’t figure out why you are not motivated to go. It may be because of nervousness, anxiety or fear. Its scary to step outside your comfort zone, we are creatures of habit. Literally. But I would also challenge you to change your mindset and fight back against the inner voice which always gives you problems. My challenge to you is this.
Every time you give an excuse, a problem, or a reason why. Stop, breathe, and look for a solution. Solutions, not problems. That is what we should be looking for. If it is fear, laziness or learned behaviours. You are the only one who can change that. So look at yourself. Look at all the times you create problems and excuses, then challenge that part of you. Find solutions.
