You will cheat on your partner

Why people cheat

“ME???? NEVER!!”

Relationships are probably the hardest part of life. Intimate relationships are the most difficult because of the condensed time you spend together and the amount that is at stake. I honestly believe being in a relationship is a job that needs work. You need to work together to create a life that you both can live in and get enjoyment out of. A life where it is more enjoyable than distressing. Working with someone who has their own thoughts, feelings, dreams, desires, experiences and conditioning is extremely frustrating. Because they don’t just let you get away with what you want. You have to compromise. Or better yet, both of you have to leave each scenario feeling like your both winning… more on that in a different blog.

I think everyone has the ability to cheat on their partner, just as the same as everyone, when pushed to their limits, has the ability to “kill or be killed”. We all have the ability to do evil. And I think it’s important we realise this. Because shying away from the thoughts that you could do something unspeakable can lead you to be minutes away from doing something evil and you would be none the wiser. You can do bad things. 

Think about it. We have all gotten extremely angry and have been unable to control it from time to time. Most of the time you probably don’t even recognise your rage, it just happens, because we are caught unaware.

Understanding that, when pushed to the limits, you could (and would) do something that your humble self would downright swear you wouldn’t. Knowing what you are capable of will give you the ability to stop that from happening. 

Being unaware of the human nature to do evil doesn’t mean you have a shield against evil, it makes you more vulnerable to it. Burying your head in the sand doesn’t make you invisible, it makes you blind. Lift your head out of the sand and start to accept what is true, you could be evil. 

Now the biggest combat against evil is not to stand back and not get involved, it is challenging the evil itself. It is standing up for what is right and what is just. We all know right from wrong, deep down we know when we haven’t done something we should have done. Or if we have acted in an unpleasant manner. 

Any time in my life I have done something I knew was wrong, I have convinced myself it was right or that there was a reason for my outburst. I had painted myself as a victim and the sinful act was justice for my suffering. I knew, deep down, I was just turning a blind eye away from the truth because it served me. Then after the wrongful act, I was so unbelievably ashamed I could barely cope. 

Realising that I wasn’t a bystander in life but played an active role in becoming who I wanted to be made the biggest difference in the decisions I made. I have the power to know right from wrong and to make the decision that will serve me best. But if I don’t accept that I could (and am) someone who does the wrong thing. I stop myself from being in control, I let fate take the wheel, I stand back and ignore the stop signs, turn off the SatNav and ignore the directions because I’m going blindly into my future self. 

We each have an image of who we could be, and that person is normally the hero, we all wish to be the hero of our own story, to rise above the challenges of life and come out on top, covered in gold and praised for our efforts. This person does not cheat, lie, steal, fight, bitch, or kill. This person is the purest form of all of our hard work and grit. This person is the person we wish we could be. THIS PERSON IS WHO WE COULD BE. 

The hero we could be has made all of the right decisions (and had some luck on the way) to get where he is. He may have even committed acts of horror and had to come back from rock bottom to climb the mountain of success. Any hero that we relate to has gone down a dark road, down the wrong path but is fighting his way towards the light. They have done bad things, had outbursts of anger and hatred and have been unaware of their abilities to harm, at times. They overcome all of the calls to evil, by making the right decision. But to make the right decision, they have to be aware of what pulls them into the darkness. 

The only way I can stop myself from doing the wrong thing, is to be aware of why I want to do it. You will cheat on your partner if you are not aware of any reason(s) that would push you to do it. You want to cheat because there is some need that is not being met, you are either unhappy or insecure and so you look for validation from other people. Self-destruction comes from our insecurities, we are driven to do the thing which fixes the most uncomfortable feeling that we are experiencing. We are unable to deal with the sadness and reality of our current situation, so we look for a way out. We look for something to make us feel better. We are addicted to being distracted. 

To rise above the ashes you need to know why you would be pushed to do something of an evil nature. You need to ask yourself this. You need to dig and dig and dig to find a situation that would make you act wrongly. Then you need to ask why. Why does that situation make me want to do wrong? Why do I want to cheat in this (hypothetical) scenario? What is the feeling that you are experiencing? And why is that feeling unbearable? 

A lot of the time cheating happens because the person is either

• Feeling neglected

• Looking for attention

• Is angry

So in which of these hypothetical scenario’s am I most likely to cheat? Is it because my partner doesn’t look at me the way she used to, is it because my husband is always working? Is it because we have had an argument and I want to prove to him that I could get any man that I want? Or does my wife not have sex with me anymore? - Think it through, why would I ever cheat on my partner?

You will cheat on your partner if you are not aware of any reason(s) that would push you to do it. - I am repeating myself because it is important. You need to be aware of what you are capable of, and communicate this to your partner. Once you know why you will cheat, communicate what makes you feel alone, what makes you feel neglected, and what makes you feel insecure and driven to get validation from elsewhere. You need to know the triggers of your insecurities, this is why it is so important for you and your partner to be dedicated to helping one another, no matter what. Because something can be done if you are in control and aware. If you are aware you have the ability to take a step back, breathe and do the right thing that you know to do. 

Self-awareness is the key to success in your personal life, communication is key in relationships. Two self-aware people who communicate and who have committed to each other and to their hero’s journey is what creates a relationship. You have to agree that you are flawed, but that you will try your best not to be, or at least communicate your flaws. You need to do this to have any chance of fostering a life where joy can emerge. The hard conversations and the difficult truths are all for the sole task of being the best you as a couple can be. That is the goal. That is the higher purpose. That is why we get into a relationship and fight for it, because it allows us to transcend who we currently are, to who we can be. With safety and support, you can be a hero. 

The golden ticket is self-awareness. Just be aware and be honest with yourself. Know thyself. Know the insecurities you have that drive you to make rash decisions and ones that act against who you truly are.